How The Ayin Project Changed Me

Written by: Kailee Carney

Life is somewhat like a jigsaw puzzle. Except, you own only a small handful of pieces that belong to your puzzle, and everyone you will ever encounter holds the rest. Each person - including you and me - holds an innumerable amount of pieces that belong to the puzzles of everyone they will ever meet. The pieces vary in significance and impact. They come together to display the development of your life. Some of the pieces need you to put them together; while some fall into place on their own with a curious accuracy.

There is a uniqueness to everyone’s ‘life-puzzle’. The Ayin Project is a significant piece of mine.

Often I find that I feel a loss within myself, a confusion of direction. Being able to look around oneself and say with certainty, “Here it is, I found it this is where I belong,” is a profound feeling. It’s not a feeling discovered with ease. Over the course of these past six-months with TAP, I thought those exact words to myself more than I can reckon. Something about it just felt inexplicably right. Like a key fitting to a lock, something within me clicked into place. 

There is a steadiness to its newness. Each day presented a new experience and opportunity - a new lesson. The setbacks and obstacles encountered were surmountable with the supportive team I had the honor of collaborating with, Joshua and Alyssa Kurtz, and Jacqueline Green. However, that is not entirely to say the tasks were easy. You can’t grow without first facing hardship. I was given room to assess challenges and solve them on my own.  

The Ayin Project allowed me to delve deeper into this sense and discover the stories of people from across the world. 

Additionally, I had the opportunity to connect with people on an international scale. There is this word I like: sonder. Have you ever been at a restaurant and looked to the people at your left and wondered about their life? The sudden understanding that every person you pass in a day has a life just as complex and intense as your own. The Ayin Project allowed me to delve deeper into this sense and discover the stories of people from across the world. 

Each person I had the privilege of interviewing told a different story. I got to learn about their lives and experiences. I got to meet Shannon, whose enthusiasm when discussing ArcGIS software and its functionality compelled me to educate myself on it in my free time. I got to meet Sulman, whose compassion for the communities he impacted with the TAP Uganda team touched my heart. I got to meet Lydia, who spoke so strongly of love and the role that children play in the future that it has encouraged me to consider how I might advocate for those young voices myself. All of these people I have met held a piece of my puzzle, and they returned those pieces to me when they taught me something new. Their passions seeped through the screen of my computer, and I am ever changed. I have learned to look further, to dig deeper, and once more, my horizons have expanded when in my mind they had grown content with its limits. 

I met Jacqueline Green, who somehow feels like a mentor, the older sister I never had, and a cool aunt all in one. Every time we sit down for our weekly virtual meetings, I feel as though someone looked into my mind and whispered its contents right into her ear. There is an ability to understand and reflect that Jacqui has which inspires me to be more gentle to the ways of the world.

A challenge I encountered was coping with critique. There is a process to getting an article published. It has to be fact checked, it has to be grammar checked, etc. Does it flow well? Does it cater to the intended audience? Do I accidentally go on tangents and ramble? Edits are suggested before the article is sent back to me for approval. The first time I encountered this process, I was a little taken aback. Prior to working with TAP, most of my writing was for self enjoyment, and things I wrote for a high school class were never really critiqued and analyzed in a way I was aware of. However, now I could see all the little things that could be refined. My first thought was that maybe I was a little ignorant. My second was that this could be a great opportunity for me. Now that I knew what needed to be touched up and fixed, I aimed to improve my writing before it ever reached the editorial stage. This benefited me not only in the internship, but also in my education. Writing essays for class is easier because I know what mistakes to look for in my own writing. I scored higher when taking standardized tests because I learned through observation what a grammatically correct sentence looked like. It got to a point where instead of being anxious to see what critiques I received, I was excited.

 It got to a point where instead of being anxious to see what critiques I received, I was excited.

The Ayin Project taught me to be excited for change, personal growth and improvement. Generally, I don’t like change. I like to have a routine. I like knowing what to expect and possible outcomes. I like familiar environments and tastes and smells. If something changes, I’m thrown out of whack and pushed from my comfort zone. The Ayin Project taught me that this was okay. That it was necessary. And it taught me to appreciate it so much more. So thank you to TAP, and to everyone it gave me the opportunity to meet.

Until next time. With love, 

Kailee Carney

Find all of Kailee Carney's articles and interviews here. 🔗